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September 9, 2007

The shape of my heart

Hey guys... Well, I don't know. (Attention: I may sound confusing as hell today -.-) Yur, I don't really know what to say. But I feel the need to post here. I feel dizzy, suppressing the most urgent thoughts. Really, I don't know what to think so I try not to think of anything that matters. Well, ok, it obviously doesn't work. Thing is, I'm in trouble. [...] No need to talk about personal issues now, but...I just need to get something off my head. Have you (whomever might read this now) ever come across practising patience? I mean...patience sucks. I once wrote something about it...wait...here it is:
"Being patient is damn boring. There are no thoughts, because nothing happens. It's not about expressing hopes, because they'd be followed by a pace right to the aim. What am I to do if I want to be patient? If I don't think about it, I don't think and I start wondering if other things have any contents at all. I don't know what to do- patience alone cannot occupy me. Give me something with contents. A game while I wait. I don't want to sit here, still, being painted. I want to sit here, still, and paint..."
Umm...well I hope y'all understand 'cause I had to translate it from German. Hope I chose the right words and so... Damn, you know... people who rule patience must be genious. Like deep buddhists or something. I really try to occupy myself. I'm like an impatient child. I've made up a schedule for myself today. [...] I even thought about cleaning the stairs... I'm headsick, ain't I? Well, maybe just desperate. Hmm, and again, I just feel like I have to explain myself even if I don't call the problem by its real name. I don't expect psychological help now *lol* I just want to...empty my mind? I don't know. Feels like I'll never know today. Thank god there's no exam in school next week. If I had to study now, my head would surrender. That's it...oh happy day-wish you one!

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